marines with pants down in the mall

two dreams

I am a space marine
in halo, storm trooper type gear
on alien world

dream one

my unit and I
find ourselves in a mall
under attack

some how we have no air support because no one is on the ship

some how we have no advanced warning because we posted no guards

some how we can't return fire because we are out of uniform and
weapons not ready

some how we are taking heavy fire because we haven't deployed battle
mechs

but how could we be in a mall that is filled with human females on an
alien planet?

there's a cosmetics counter over there

I am hit.

dream 2

armored unit with mobile artillery support.

i am in mobile artillery using computer enhanced vision

high speed light vehicles detected but no visuals

probable trajectories being computed

i select a combination of 4 kinds of rounds in my 2 pods to meet what
ever is coming of the hill

the light tracked vehicle appears out of nowhere comes over the hill
in the air

guidance systems locked I fire pod one

the enemy shudders as it races down the hill

a couple seconds later it explodes

later we have stopped for maintenance and I reload the pod magazines

How to

How to consume less
How to Surf the web less
How to find customers
How to grow business
How to raise kids
How to stay calm
How to reduce stress
How to drink less coffee
How to be successful
How to set reasonable revenue and profit growth goals and achieve them
How to deal why bother it won't make life better
How to make life better

Thank you! Done.

What I need to change most with work?

Imagine the end.
Imagine what I want to do done.
Imagine it done in a way with few unintended consequences.
Imagine it done in a way that creates an asset.
Imagine it done in a way that requires minimal to no future inputs.

What do I need about my attitude?

Thankfulness.

The king and the peasant

One day the king was feeling restless so he asked his oracle what he should do and was told he should go to a certain miner's house far from the castle, so off he went.

The miner asked the king - why should I work?

The king replied - to feed your family.

The miner replied - but I could feed them by hunting before you made it illegal.

The King - the kingdom needs your labour to protect your family from the enemy.

The miner - before you provoked the enemy we didn't need protection.

The king - anyway you have to work pay off your debts.

The miner - I wouldn't have any debts if you didn't tax me.

The king - that's the way it is. If you don't like it you can go. There plenty of other hungry men who would gladly take your place.

Keywords: rich poor gap,never get ahead, poor generations, stuck

Plan

Reinventing the wheel

Summary: leveraging software IP assets, HR developer assets, client / vendor relationships, data center assets, network admins, design contractors, seo contractors, experience from building 6+ client sites, 1 internal site, Neo Code will develop 100 niche market affiliate ecommerce sites capable of generating $1000 per month each.

Imperfect vessel broken cup

I woke up from dreaming on Wednesday knowing that prisons were a
poison increasing the evil in the world.

My dream, like all my dreams, was real. I was there and I knew it. I
was in it but not of it.

My dream didn't tell me the solution only the fact.

Prisons and detention camps do not a higher pie make, nor do they make
the world safer or better.

The real dreams I remember vividly from this morning are dissolving as
I look for words to tell them. Perhaps as I love words and stories to
tears I have been born mute deaf, no what is the word for someone born
incapable if writing?

Subway
Rush hour
Travelling companion
Companion man
Companion similar age
We are students?
Mid twenties
He is ahead of me
We are just about to enter underground
The last windows are above us
Sunlight streams in
Must be morning
Clothing and architecture unfamiliar
But dusty and sand feel
Aged
Italy? Spain
South
Cell phone rings
A man I know as hard to believe us talking
I knew him
What he says is likely true
But how he knows things is impossible
Is he insane?
He is saying something about signs
I stop my friend from continuing
If I go underground my call will drop
He leans impatiently under the last window in up above and right near
the stairs
He pulls a book from his backpack and reads
The guy on the phone is hard to understand - sounds of fireworks in
the background
"I wanted to be there, but the fireworks got delayed, and I didn't
want to miss them"
Disgust - how can he really be a psychic and not now that?
"why call me?" I ask
"you are there."
He goes on about signs and things and Its impossible he should know
and I am find myself believing what he saying - but not in him - but
the words are true
I know what I have to do
And I get the book out of my backpack
The thick blue one
I start reading it aloud
The passage that he said
My companion is shocked
Will not make eye contact
He stays but not he is not with me
Why does he watch?
I try to get the commuters to stop and listen and turn back
I read to them quotes from the fanatics
I implore them
It is so obvious
Why can't they see it?
Why must they go?
Today there will be a bombing in the subway

It's dusk
I am outside
Under the sky turning orange
It is hot
There is little wind
I have pale skin and by myself
I am in a uniform but I am not a guard
I am surrounded by brown and black skinned people
The ground is dirt

Again no edits

I am outside
The sky is high
The sunset is warm and red
I am surrounded by prisoners
I am not a prisoner
I am observing
The prisoners are black and brown and poor
I am not black or brown or poor

Again

I am in a yard filled with men
Old men, middle aged men, young men
I can see men as far as the eye can see
In the horizon a city sparkles in the dusk
I turn my head to look behind me
There the concrete cell blocks wait
The sounds
Laughing, shouts
Singing
drumming
perhaps someone is playing the guitar
everyone is talking

the sky is now dark blue
classical music is now heard over the loudspeakers
it gets louder
everyone stops what they are doing
all around me people are turning to face the city
the only sound is the music
everyone is quiet and in formation
hands at their sides
evenly spaced
looking straight ahead
invisible in the day when not illuminated
a sign now brightly lit with LEDs
hang huge logos of coke and mcdonalds

This is it - we are hungry. We are Cain.

Modern man: I am hungry. I have to eat. So I eat. I eat sunshine,
ancient sunshine, the moon, a comet, cosmic radiation from the big
bang, rivers, oceans, forests, species, ozones, languages and cultures.

200 year ago man: I too was hungry. I had to eat. So I ate. I ate
streams, lakes, forests, species, languages and cultures.

2000 year ago man: I too was hungry. I had to eat. So I ate. I ate
streams, forests, languages and cultures.

20,000 year ago man: I too was hungry. I had to eat. So I ate. I ate
cultures.

A curse. Forever eating, always hungry, never full.

Wade Davis, Jared Diamond and Joseph Tainter help us understand
mechanisms but not the inspiration or passion or motivation for
culture eating, or why cultures push themselves to over exploit or why
cultures rush to add complexity.

We are born hungry.

The dog And the bone
Antigone
Goldilocks and the three bears
Rumplestiltskin
Samson and Delilah
Sleeping Beauty

The stories examine the hunger and it's conseqeunces.

Re: Little riding hood with conflict

Sent from my iPhone

On Jan 28, 2010, at 10:44 PM, Joshua <joshua@neocodesoftware.com> wrote:

>
>
> On Jan 27, 2010, at 11:31 PM, Joshua <joshua@neocodesoftware.com>
> wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>> On Jan 26, 2010, at 11:07 PM, Joshua <joshua@neocodesoftware.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> That's right. Little red doesn't have enough conflict. A wolf
>>> attacking, grandma devouring, wolf axing story needs more than
>>> just blood and gore - it's needs a sense of inner conflict.
>>>
>>> Let's start with the wood cutter. How is he doing that fateful
>>> morning? He's hung over. He has been drinking more than usual
>>> because the forest isn't getting any bigger and he has figured out
>>> he has maybe another 3 to 5 years worth of logging left. Sure,
>>> there's still plenty of trees, but the ones that are left aren't
>>> worth cutting down. His missus, sensing his unease, points out
>>> that the butcher, the baker and candlestick maker are doing well
>>> and why couldn't he have studied harder for a better job?
>>>
>>> While he was fighting with his wife that he was not a loser, his
>>> dog got the bacon he was taking for his lunch. He kicked the dog
>>> into the basement, and banged angrily out of the house.
>>>
>>> Two thoughts crossed his mind: one, he should take the dog even
>>> though it had eaten his lunch - he had seen wolf tracks the day
>>> before, and two he needed to sharpen his axe.
>>
>>> The anger helped him see things in black and white. It would serve
>>> that woman right, he thought, if I get eaten by that wolf. That'll
>>> make her suffer! And if I leave the house quickly she won't have
>>> more time to scold me while I sharpen the axe. It will be all her
>>> fault the axe is dull because I had to leave in a hurry to avoid
>>> her sharp tongue. Maybe I can think of a way that it's all her
>>> fault the forest isn't getting any bigger. And with those happy
>>> thoughts turning in his head, off he marched.
>>
>> Now the wolf. Former alpha male. Hungry. Forced out of the pack.
>> Dazed with hunger. Will do anything for food. Must eat soon.
>> Regret. Not forced out, welcomed to stay, too proud. Don't want to
>> share suffering. Pain in hips harsh. Remembering lashing out in
>> anger at pups. Must go before hurting them. The pain drove him.
>> Wanted to bite the puppies. Want to kill them. Memory sharp and
>> shameful. Can't face the puppies. Reminded of the shameful rage.
>>
>> Will keep looking for food.
>
> Sweet little red. She loved visiting granny and day dreaming. Maybe
> she would see fairies. Granny said fairies lived in the forest and
> if you were quiet you could see them. She had made a crown for the
> fairy queen and tied a string to it. When granny had asked what the
> string was for she told her it was to catch the queen. Granny had
> been upset, she should have kept that part a secret.
>
> Mom wanted her to take basket to granny but what else? Was it a
> whistle? The dog? The dog would scare the fairies away.
>
> Little red picked up the basket and slipped out of the house,
> wondering when she would see her first fairy.

And Old Granny, what was she up to? Regretting the things she didn't
do. She was in her thoughts as she made tea, did the laundry, and
tidied the house. Little red was coming that day. She would have to
put these thoughts aside when Little red was with her.

Granny sat on the sofa and sighed. Husband dead. Kids gone. Grandkids
to visit.

Sigh. She made a list of things.

Little riding hood with conflict

That's right. Little red doesn't have enough conflict. A wolf attack,
grandma devouring, wolf axing story needs more than just blood and
gore - it's needs a sense of inner conflict.

Let's start with the wood cutter. How is he doing that fateful
morning? He's hung over. He has been drinking more than usual because
the forest isn't getting any bigger and he has figured out he has
maybe another 3 to 5 years worth of logging left. Sure, there's still
plenty of trees, but the ones that are left aren't worth cutting down.
His missus, sensing his unease, points out that the butcher, the baker
and candlestick maker are doing well and why couldn't he have studied
harder and gotten and better job?

While he was fighting with his wife, his dog got the bacon he was
taking for his lunch. He kicked the dog into the basement, and banged
angrily out of the house.

Two thoughts crossed his mind: he should take the dog even though it
had eaten his lunch - he had seen wolf tracks the day before, and two
he needed to sharpen his axe. It would serve that woman right, he
thought, if I get eaten by that wolf. That'll shut her up! And if I
leave quickly she won't have more time to nag me while I sharpen, and
at the same time I can sharpen my grudge on the dull blade - it's all
her fault the forest isn't getting any bigger. And off he marched.

Google Docs lost my document - my data is gone

It's true. Google Docs lost my document - my data is gone. I am not sure how many of my documents are affected. But one of my most valuable documents is gone for ever.

I didn't have a backup.

I couldn't imagine Google would let me know.

I haven't lost or broken something I truly cared about for a while - and the all together too familiar feeling of grief comes washing over me.

Thank you Elizabeth Bishop for rehearsing me.

Mixed blessings

it is lucky you came and it is unlucky you came
Rumplestiltskin is the father, but what is the mothers name?
Witches really do eat children, but not as often as they should.
Samson let Delilah cut his hair, but what blinded his love?
The 13th witch was not invited, but why wait 16 years for revenge?
The wicked step mother commands the huntsmen to remove his daughters heart?
Why does hansel and gretels own mother want to eat them?
How does hansel and gretel live with baking their mother?

Big fuzzy panda's take over the world

In a surprise attack, panda commando's staged a daring midnight raid on the people's liberation army secret nuclear weapons cache. Communist party spokespeople are blaming the united states for secretly training and genetically modifying the pandas when they were in the San diego zoo. Pentagon officials are neither confirming or denying these allegations. However leaked documents from both DARPA and the Rand corporation suggest the entire panda leasing program was designed to lull the Chinese authorities into what the documents classify as a "reverse Trojan" operation. Unfortunately the leaked documents were in the possession of staff report Jim Baum-Sue, who has been missing for several days. So far the pandas have not communicated any demands other than to say that King panda will make an announcement shortly.

what geeky thing is this a representation of?

what geeky thing is this a representation of?
Originally uploaded by joshuapaul

i love this - of course i made it!

What is theatre? Spectacle?

I never answered this before. It is time.

We live alone. There is no we. Only I.

I want to know you, other.

I want to know what I can't know.

See what I can't see.

Experience something I can get nowhere else.

And when I sit in the theatre and watch, I am alone, though the theatre is full.

I can not speak.

Nor can I move.

Like a prisoner.

Like a whisper.

Like a genie in a bottle.

That fantasy world never leaves the stage.

It is kept locked up.

Irony? Symmetry?

While the play speaks you obey.

But then you leave, and the theatre is nothing.

You keep the theatre locked up.

Theatre is your prisoner.

You are the warden that plays prisoner.

You delight in the illusion of breaking the fourth wall. What delicious - degradation? I know not.

Enough.

rumplestiltskin wizard draft

rumplestiltskin wizard draft
copyright 2009 joshua paul
written 2009.09.02

once upon a time there was a magician who knew how to save the world from being killed by people.

to save the world from dyan the wizard needee a special child. this child would save the world.

the wizard looked everwhere to find a woman that was special so she could be the childs mom.

one day in kingdom ruled by a greedy despot he found a woman that could have the baby that would save the world.

but he needed time and money to preapre the woman the the procedure. there was a lot of work to do.

so the wizard persuaded the greedy king the the woman could turn straw in to oil.

for what ever reason the greedy dictator believed the wizard and had the woman thrown in jail and told to turn straw in to oil or die.

the wizard visted her in jail and said he would help her if she would give him some of her blood. finally she consented and they an exchange oil for blood.

the wizard worked and worked. the blood was good. the immense sacrifices made along the way would not have been made in vain.

again the wizard visited the woman in jail and this time he asked for one of her eggs in return for his help. after much protest they made an exchange - an egg from her ovary for oil.

working feverishly he cloned the egg and created several embryos finally selecting one and made the required changes to her blood.

finally the wizard return to the woman for the last time. if she completed this task the greedy dictator would have his oild and would marry her. she was brave and practical. she would have her revenge when he was old.

but the wizard's price was great. carry the genetically engineered foetus to term and give birth. and then when the baby was 3 years old give him to the wizard. the wizard needed to wait 3 years for the changed blood he would put back in her body to make enough milk to finish the changes.

she wanted revenge so she made the deal and submitted to the procedure.

3 years past. the rage and anger she feld had hardened but her love for the child was deep and profound.

the child was a wonder. walking, talking, reading. but most of all the child was kind and generous. the though of the wizard coming was too painful to think about.

so the queen took precautions. bodyguards for the infant were selected. security systems were state of the art. everything was done to prevent a kidnapping.

but when the day came fail safe plan after fail safe plan failed. security crumbled and the toddler and the queen laid bare/

and there stodd the wizard. he had spent spent the last 3 years assembling an army to retrieve the child.

(but all the sacrifices and lives lost were for nothing because when the queen cried she would kill the child rather than let him go forcing the wizard to lay down his arms)

the queen cried she would rather kill the child rather than let him go. the wizard said he would rather blow himself up and everyone with him.

so they decided to get married.

there was a great wedding and the child's future was safe.

and the queen had her revenge on the wizard as well.

take off

Every time lately I have got on a plane Thanatos had boarded with me. I wish the plane will crash on tale off or landing. Improbable as it is I imagine the plane bursting into flames and cold metal biting into my bloody flesh. I imagine being strapped into my seat, the sound of my beating heart drowning out the screams and the sirens.
I imagine relaxing and smiling as death embraces me harshly. I breathe deeply to relax through the pain and not cry out.
I don't have to struggle any more.
The insurance will tale care of my family.
I want to be free.

hypereating

hypereating - david kessler - the end of over eating - bill clinton - fda head?

eating for stimulation

fat - sugar - salt

new learning
new behaviour
i don't want it

like smoking

neural pathways

hot stimuli changed to cold stimuli

broken

Evolution broken
Traits maladptive
Environmental bankruptcy
Economic bankruptcy

Fish stocks
Oil stocks
Affluent consumer stocks
Investor stocks
Arable land stocks

the ballad of robert Dziekanski

[ the solo's are missing for the different characters and need to be added ]

[ what will robert sing? ]

[ the 4 rcmp uniformed officers are checking tickets ]

[ the lights go down - and come up on the chorus ]

[ the chorus could be angels with wings - like the angels in Wings of Desire ]

chorus: we are here today - the day robert Dziekanski is going to die

chorus: we are here in the vancouver airport, waiting with him - it's 1am - he's got just 30 minutes to live

chorus: he doesn't know that he is going to die

chorus: he got off the plane from poland 10 hours ago and he hasn't had anything to eat or drink

[ robert walks on and off ]

chorus: we dedicate this work to him. to his mother. to poland. to vancouver.

[ moment of silence, heads bowed ]

chorus: the 4 rcmp officers are here too.

chorus: they don't know that they are going to kill him.

[ the 4 officers are talking off stage, on stage, beyond the 4th wall ]

chorus: the camera man is here. he is coming back from china.

chorus: if it wasn't for him none of us would exist.

[ do the lights go out? is the chorus wearing camera's around their necks? ]

[ or do they just pause and bow their heads ]

chorus: we are not going to tell this story in the usual way.

chorus: we are also not going to tell it like it happened - this is make believe after all.

chorus: we could tell it as a tragedy - for a tragedy it is.

chorus: we have all the elements the ancient greeks loved and thought so highly of.

chorus: we have unity time - unity of place - unity of action.

chorus: a perfect triangle.

chorus: the players don't know their time has come.

chorus: the clock is ticking and the events are ready to unfold.

chorus: the airport, the arrival area - an arrival and a departure.

chorus: the action is a betrayal, a killing, the many against the one, us versus the other, the state versus the individual, brother killing brother, the armed versus the unarmed, the watchers versus the watched.

chorus: we could tell the story like that - but why? this airport is a cabaret!

[ the lights go down on the chorus ]

[ the lights come up on a big show number of "life is a cabaret" !!! ]

[ let's have some fun! what does vancouver have to offer? burlesque and drag queens and so much in between!! ]

[ the lights go down on the dancers and go up on the chorus ]

chorus: robert, you can come on stage now.

chorus: we can't hear him. imagine he is speaking polish.

chorus: but all we hear is nothing. no one hears him. his ignored.

chorus: robert - go and look for your mother. search the stage.

chorus: don't give up robert. keep looking. you have been looking for 9 hours.

robert: i want my mom.

robert: i want my mom. where is my mom?

robert: she would be here... why isn't she here.

robert: mom!

robert: mom - how come no one is helping me.

robert: don't leave me here alone.

robert: no one understands me.

robert: no one cares about me.

robert: i am soo alone.

robert: mom - come and get me please.

robert: please - i am begging you - come and get me out of here.

robert: i need you.

robert: i miss you.

robert: where are you?

robert: when are you coming?

chorus: robert - that's enough. we understand.

chorus: you understand don't you?

chorus: did you ever let go of your mother's hand only to lose her?

chorus: his mother came to get him.

chorus: she stayed at the airport for 3 hours before going back to kamloops.

chorus: she never sees her son alive again.

[ zofia at a customer service agent booth ]

zofia: can you please page my son

zofia: he is supposed to be here hours ago

zofia: please page him - his name is robert Dziekanski

zofia: no - you pronounce it Dziekanski - Dzie - kan - ski

zofia: robert Dziekanski

chorus: but robert can't hear that page

chorus: he is the secure area - and pages are not played there

chorus: and even if pages were played there

chorus: it wouldn't have been his mothers voice

chorus: now - we will re-enact what is shown on the video tapes

[ re-enactment ]

[ robert is dead ]

[ lights black except the spot on him ]

officers: we are sorry

officers: it was wrong

officers: we wish we could do it all over again

officers: but since we can't

officers: we are working hard to make sure this doesn't happen again

officers: we are speaking out

officers: we don't want anyone else to die

officers: we don't want anyone else to kill someone and live with that

officers: we don't want anyone else to lose their son or their daughter

officers: we don't want to use electric discharge weapons anymore

[ they put the weapons down ]

i am terrible comedian

terrible

- it's my birthday - i don't want a free lunch at denny's, or a $5 discount from the cbc gift shop, i want to push the launch missile button in the government vs rebel attack of the day - in pakistan , or sri lanka, or israel. there going to push the button anyway - so why not me?

terrible

- cannibalism. is it soo bad? is it wrong to joke about eating fresh virgin vegan heart?

terrible

- selling your children into slavery. what's wrong with it? a news story recounted how a harried professional mom kicked her kids out of the car after they were fighting and drove off. i have a better idea - get a free paid vacation to thailand or cambodia where you can sell your daughters into slavery. now you will never have to listen to them argue again!

terrible