regret no regret

regret no regret

walk with us
in the past
where we were
once giants

hundred hundred years
ago my ancerstors
came first for
sea otter pelt
where one otter
was two years
salary for a
seaman

sea otter gone
now we are
back for the
giants we saw
when we first
came but did
not see

now the forests
are littered with
the trunks of
the giants staring
into me and
telling me soundlessly

once
we
were
giants

we are two people

i play with matches

i regret burning down the house

i love watching movies

i regret going to bed late

i am independant and make my opinion heard

i regret shouting and hurting others feelings

i enjoy nice things and finding cool stuff

i regret spending money i dont have on stuff i dont use

i love eating and drinking until i am full

i regret that my shirt is stretched around my middle

i find reddit imgur and google news entertaing and hilarious

i regret not havng enough time with my family

the big breath held back

as everyone knows we are all one

the question is one what?

one ripple in the cosmic pond still hurtling outward from the big bang guiding your hand as choose which shirt to wear?

or organism living breathing feeding not as predator and prey but as one body caring for itself breathing in and out?

at the moment though we are here now.

a farmer in alberta. farming has not been doing well. the weather. taxes. the new truck. the barn repairs. the kids school. nursing homes for parents.

debts. what could have been done different? it wasnt like any thing could be put back or returned. it was just was.

so when the oil company showed up papers explaining about rights and royalties it just seemed right. not like winning the lottery. not like getting any extra, just exactly what was needed where it was needed.

but not anymore. the wells have been off for years. they are sending people to come and clean it up, put things back the way it were.

the neighbors had it done already - cant even tell where the pipeline was they did such a good job.

the parents have passed away.

the kids are out of school and gone.

the new truck is gone - written off in an accident a couple winters ago.

and whats left are simple things that may be impossible to ever be put back.

the heat cant be put back.

the carbon cant be put back.

as it is this where we are in the ripple or in the cosmic body.

a previous ripple left pandoras vase behind.

so very much energy to leave lying around. what will happen if its released all at once?

like a big breath that had been held for millions of years finally released back to where it had come from

scale is non linear

http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/king-tut-dagger-1.3610539

first iron tools made from meteors
not scalable
how can we get more iron from the sky?

well that's never going to make an thousands of swords for my army

there must be another way

Wrong feels so right

Getting ready for bed
Warm and cozy
I had been playing an iPad game monument valley a puzzle game
I was up putting. Dishes away looking at the glowing Christmas tree I had got from Ikea
Family had decorated it with decorations passed down From generations
I felt cozy
Everything was right
Family safe
House was safe
Cars were safe
Business safe

Then my collapse senses perked this is what the elites felt before the collapse

Then I thought how smug my ancestors must have felt trading with people's that didn't have access to resources like they had had - Christmas trees, coal and oranges in stockings. Some call it the womb lottery - as is inequality started in the womb - look into space - the universe is almost all darkness.

Then I remembered the YouTube video of 2050 years of population growth - from 0 CE extrapolated 30 years in the future. Bright lights sparking slowly and then faster and faster. Each light 1 million people.

How right? Have children. Spread the blessing. Make your family bigger. I have mouths to feed. I am a father, I have a wife and two children. Multiplied across the face of the earth.

For a science fiction book like Hari Seldin in asimovs foundation :

Rule - elites acquire resources by taking risks - ie. close quarters combat with a large herbivore using stone tools
Rule - elites are not long term thinkers - they focus on maximizing survival
Rules - necessary but keep them chained and never turn your back

And the farmers?

Take care of the elderly. Take care of parents. Make family larger.

Rules - farmers acquire resources by breeding
Rules - farmers do not want to risk their family
Rules - farmers planning is family planning
Rules - necessary but have to keep their breeding in check

And then what, the ocean said to Brendan's sand castle

Let's draw a house a life a family
Let's all agree it's the best
Let's agree that for a moment you have all that
You have all that

Your wish for a magazine perfect house
A feature film perfect life
And a TV commercial family
All come true

True for a moment

And then what?  What
Entropy returns the housing the earthk
Entropy bends your back and whitens your hair
And yiurnfamioy
Your family drifts away

Motivation.

There is no such thing as self-discipline. There is only motivation. The lucky people in the world are motivated externally, and the rest of us have to do it for ourselves. Most "successful" people delude themselves that their motivation comes from within. They're generally idiots.

When you suffer from depression motivation is impossible to come by. To me that is the defining aspect of the disease.

You have to find something that will wake you up and pull you out of bed. Go see the sun rise everyday or fold a thousand paper cranes this month. It doesn't matter what you're waking up to do. Pick something arbitrary and do it for two weeks. Waking up and acting tells your brain it's time to work and work makes you do something.

Debilitating lethargy can be a result of a broken loop that isn't triggering your brain's reward circuit for doing something. This is useless advice for someone who can't follow it, which is why I don't try to preach it.

Returning to the above, some people are trapped and feel like they can't get out. You've at least got a skill at mixing music. Wake up every single day with protools or fruity loops or whatever the kids are using and make a 5 minute track. It can suck. It should suck. It sounds dumb but having something to do when you wake up starts the reward circuits in your brain churning. Sometimes you have to train yourself to enjoy successes again.

Psychopaths get away with it because they don't perceive failure. People that suffer from depression don't perceive success. Your brain is a dummy that will do what you tell it with enough encouragement and you have to outsmart it and start feeling success again, even if it takes a few months of MGMT ripoffs or whatever.

Source http://bit.ly/1AjParE

a list for making lists of anime

Cowboy bebop

Samurai shamploo 

Ergo proxy

Trigun

Soul eater

Moon phase

My bride is a Mermaid

xxxHolic

World conquest zVeda plot

Lupin III Fujiko Mine 

Here now

I don't know any other way
I compete for resources
I use surplus resources to acquire the means to create more surplus resources
I have no mind of anything other

I could tell you a story
I could show you a picture
Or sing a song
But the best way is to buy what I am selling

Some men will make armies
Some will study and report
Some will build and engineer
Some will entertain and watch you watching them
Some will farm and shepherd
Some will mine and smith
Others will finance and profit
And some will rule

Until the air can not be breathed
Until the ocean can not be fished
Until the forest are cut down
Until the oil is pumped dry
Until the water wells are empty
Until the land can not farmed
Until the crops can not grow
Until the birds are gone from the sky
Until the beasts are gone from land
Until the sea level rises

Meaningless

Waiting around to die

Simple joys of everyday life

Everything I ever wanted are already memories

But there is suffering

Mine and others

Must not be ignored

right to be happy

Each of us

In a small way 

Makes the world less 

Perfect than we found it

A few

Make it better 

But most of us make it worse

Elizabeth

Elizabeth
Losing keys
So sorry
Losing continents
Vaster
Also so sorry

But I Just
those plums
so cold

but celebrate
vast
vaster

Mr cummings
I just
celebrate

no caps lock
celebrate

lost a lover once
vaster

I just
celebrate

love you
love you so much
and you
will never know
my haiku that are not

and thats ok
because I am
a celebrate

And my feet never touched the earth

An old man
Walks away
From his Mercedes
And walking forward
Clicks the key fob to lock the door
Standing on a vast invisible empire
So deep that his feet have never touched the earth

The unseen - did you spend your sunlight well?

Naming

When did the name hand become? Or man or woman?

Like seeing in 3d

Or in colour

Or in the moonlight

They all confer advantages to acquiring sunlight 

The forest and the trees

See them together 

The joy of seeing beneath the skin

Humans

See what they are now were and will be

The adult the baby the old the fetus the ova the sperm the last common ancestor

See it

See it!

See the brain stem and spine

See the adrenal systems 

See the fight or flight 

See the amygdala

See hunger and waste

See ovaries and testes

See the hairless skin

See the predators eyes and teeth

See the opposable thumb

See the brachiation

See the upright locomotion

See billions of these

Now add the other animals

See the mass of living animals

On the planet 

Their brainstems Fighting to dominate solar energy sequestered by plants 

See plants fighting to dominate solar energy

Sun energy from the fusion of hydrogen

Ancient Water from meteors old than the sun

Electrical energy from storms resulting from planet rotation and revolution 

Minerals on the earths crust from planet formation during birth of sun

Chemical reactions from the structure of matter

It's another process driven by the energy and matter of the universe like the birth of stars and galactic superclusters

And a billions of years later life is still working on this remnant of the birth of a node that fuses hydrogen

Like the sun is still fusing

Like The laws of chemistry still hold

Like The earth still revolves according to gravity

Life is still living

How can I maximize my children's acquisition of solar energy?

How can I maximize my companies acquisition of market share in the next quarter?

That's my question?

That's my best?

No There is more to see beyond that.

Might as well ask about improving defecation volume.

What is the quality of my solar energy?

Did I use my time well - which for living things is a function of sunlight.

Did I spend my sunlight well?

What does it mean that sunlight even exist?

What does it mean that the universe produces Suns? Creates points in the space that fuse hydrogen?

Are Suns to the universe what volcanos or tornados are to the earth?

And why does no one else I know share writing like this with me? Am I the only one?

Why orgasm?

Why write?

Why photograph or scuba or Everest?

Why quest?

2 Distraction

to distract constructively; 

to distract in ways that are in themselves satisfying; 

to do things that are intrinsically gratifying

Walter Mischel. 

Niven Professor of Humane Letters in Psychology(Ph.D. Ohio State, 1956)

401A Schermerhorn Hall

212-854-3957

310 Schermerhorn Hall

212-854-8450

wm (at) paradox.psych.columbia.edu

At 84, instead of slowing down, he’s preparing for his American book tour and fielding questions from Polish journalists.

His secret seems to come straight from the marshmallow test: distraction. “It’s to keep living in a way one wants to live and work; to distract constructively; to distract in ways that are in themselves satisfying; to do things that are intrinsically gratifying,” he says. “Melancholy is not one of my emotions. Quite seriously, I don’t do melancholy. It’s a miserable way to be.”

Untitled

The funnel

We fall into

Young we only see the rim

Wide with opportunity 

Endless choices with all the time in the world

Older

The rim is forgotten

We see only the ever growing vortex

Sucking everything in

It's true - debt slavery - selling children to pay a parents debts is rare

But we commonly bankrupt parents so they leave now behind 

Also common is health care holding the elderly hostage so the young will pay

Wiping out the savings of the old and young

The long game

I can play now 

Not just a short game

Of days or weeks

But now I can play weeks and months

Others plays years and decades

And a few play centuries they have so many pieces to play with

Silverfish

Silverfish
Fast
Moving
Eating
Reproducing
A formula
To optimize resource usage

A business
For profit
Not interesting
Making money
Ecosystem exploitation
Old as the hills

Something new
War
Slaughter

Able and Cain

Agriculture
Surplus
Progress trap
Head smashed in buffalo trap

The bible
Good and evil
Knowledge
Awareness
Something new
Morality

The bible
The book
Religion
Written code

Self modifying code

Since when did we start reprogramming ourselves?

The lescaux caves
Visual reprogramming

Gobekli Tepe
Spatial reprogramming

Tattoos
Body mutilation
Body ornamentation
Kinaesthetic reprogramming

Self evolving
Reshaping

Violently
Wars
Genocides
Starvations

Peacefully
Music
Writing
Theatre
Protest

Natural selection
One generation
doesn't understand the next
A new species

Evolving faster than mega fauna

The mega fauna didn't stand a chance

Why
When did we start
What kicked it off
Ice age abundance
Climate change lottery
Mutation

Vision of chixulub

I am a keyboard, mouse and monitor cleaning service
I get a contract at a government facility
I have guys that clean the keyboards at a giant telescope
We find out that the scientists have found out that an asteroid is going to hit earth in 80 years
But politicians have pressured them to keep it quiet
Now what?

Going to get neo from cadets

9pm

Driving east on 12th

by kits high school

Jeannie looks up from her math book she brought

To study in the car and says

We are on the wrong side of need

What's that mean I ask

Look around she says

Kids on the high school playing soccer

Nice kits homes

Nice kits cars

These are all wants she continues

By now we are at 12th and Arbutus

She goes on

Sometimes wants overshadow needs so that people forget about their needs

I suggest she write this down. She shakes her head.

And then, alas, I interrupt her

To tell her what she already knows in theory

But give her an example about the republican climate deniers

She knows

What they need is an earth strong enough to support people through disasters 

I was too busy to realize what she had just said until writing this out

But this is it

We don't need to find the exact moment of peak oil or peak water

We need to find the moment at which we no longer have enough oil to sustain us through a disaster 

What disaster?

Sea level rise

We are committed

vitaMIX recipes

The Handsdown - it's that good
2 bags frozen banana strawberry mango pineapple fruit chunks
1 cup apple juice

Grown milk and cookies
1 cup milk
4 shots rye
2 chocolate chip cookies
Dash vanilla
1 tablespoon pancake syrup
1 tablespoon honey
1 cup ice

Jelly belly smothie-flurry
1/2 cup jelly bellies
2 cups frozen strawberry blueberry mix
2 cups ice
Option blend above 1 minute then add 1/4 cup jelly bellies and grind another 20 second for hard chewy

Mango sweet
4 mangos
1 banana
1 cup grapefruit juice
2 cups ice

Rye sours
1 lime
4 lemons
4 shots rye
2 cups ice
1/2 cup white granulated sugar

tropical lemon
6 lemons
125ml simple syrup
1 tray ice

zesty orange
4 oranges
1 spoon orange marmalade
1 lemon
1 tray ice

iced coffee
make coffee with
8 spoons of fine ground coffee
2 cups water
add
4 spoons simple syrup

2 cups milk (or half and half)

freeze in 2 ice trays

apple ice

3 green granny  smith apples - sour and firm

2 spoons frozen lemonade concentrate

1 tray ice

BSY
1 banana
1 cup of strawberries
1/2 cup yogurt
1 tray ice