and then yesterday - or was it today - listening to gloria in excelsis deo i accepted the true fate of the world

and then yesterday - or was it today - listening to gloria in excelsis deo i accepted the true fate of the world

i will not store my treasures on earth

i will not covet power, fame or fortune

as i have been told

sigh

can there truly be character change? did my perspective change? or was it always just a matter of time?

is it a not a blessing that the meek may finally inherit the earth when every last drop of oil is gone?

"nor making of stuffs a thousand
yards a minute,
...
will make us
one whit stronger, happier
or wiser."

when all the ancient sunlight has been purged from the world
no more rockets will be launched
and we will return to killing our brothers and sisters with rocks

what i mean to say is
in the beginning - when i first learned about malthus
when i first read the mote in god's eye
of course i had hope - that i could be the miracle
that i could imagine, create, invent a way
to break the cycle of collapse and the descent into terrifying darkness

i then i realized that i thought this
because i thought that i was different
that i was not my fathers son
not the son of cain
that i would not have to kill to eat
that i would not have to fight my brother
that there was enough of earth's bounty for us all to share

but then somehow slowly
i begin to realize
that we have always been at war
forced from our homelands

and i couldn't understand how my fathers and mothers
had sacrificed their children
how they had pawned their children's inheritance for slavery
for comfort
for convenience

later i learned
and understood
how after endless wars, and wanting, and prisons, and forced marches
and deprivation
how i would do anything to never have to live through that again
that i need never be poor and watch my children starve
and selling mysqlf and them into slavery was better than the alternative

and that back from the wars
i wanted compensation
no matter who paid

but now?

i accept it
i accept trying to hold it together from flying apart and descending into darkness
i accept trying to take of your family, selling what ever can be sold to never go back into the darkness
i accept trying to find a safe walled city that will survive the collapse with walls thick enough
i accept trying to minister to the dying easing their suffering
but now i accept that i can find my place in what ever