In groundbreaking news ibm boldly goes where

In groundbreaking news ibm boldly goes where no one has gone before.

President bob applebum is quoted as saying in studying the web 2.0
standard closely, our nobel prize winning research scientists have
discovered the shocking truth about web 2.0, that it is best and most
cunningly implemented by shutting down all web based ecommerce
functionality and implementing these amazing and ground breaking
standards that compromise web 2.0 = lost email ordering 2.0, voice mail
hell 2.0, fax busy 2.0.

What is astonishing, is that our scientists discovered that these
technologies combined togther put the end user through a series a deeply
pathological states - fury - terror -  and finally suicidal despair -
that makes the customer your fully controllable mind puppet.

President applebaum cautionned shareholders that these statements were
purely hypothetical and that actual internal testing of these order
processing techniques had been extremely disappointing due to the
overwhelming tendency of the subjects to achieve near brain death
status. Applebaum confidently stated that "there is surely a non zero
probability that the terminal outcome in the two to five, which is when
we expect this technology to be commercially available."

Fine print this press release contains all the usual mumbo jumbo about
forward looking statements that basically says treat this as parable
since you aint gonna be able to take it to the bank sonny.