You hoo! Over here! - Empreor Doodlewood Bump's Adventure #1 draft
Date: 2007-04-17, 10:49PM PDT
You hoo! Over here!
Draft If you are interested, and have the time to finish a story for next week publication - how much for a 500-1500 story for Performance PC Magazine, with all rights assigned, an episode of the following short stories series: Empreor Doodlewood Bump's Adventures Civilisation Collapse Eschatology Prologue The secret diaries of Noodlehead, the 23rd illuminated and venerable master of the arts of the instant noodle - Improv Noodle Cook Master, Order of the Handlemakers, Rainer of the CogAgni, Utter of RandomAntras, Troubleshooter of Networks, Director of the Center for Healing Human Cognitive Development Inspiration Improvisational Imaginary, and Troubadour of the Eschatalogical Collapse of Civilisation.
These writings chronicle my efforts and a few modest successes in keeping the world as we know it in place and chaos at bay. If you are reading this, then you must have passed many tests and endured many longs years of hard study at the many various and ancient academies, and are no doubt in the old and dusty library of the Center. (Of course you are there, where ever you are, broadcasting, and mechnically and electromagnetically replicating yourselves as near the speed of light as possible.)
I have spent my life troubleshooting in wake of the 7 year old Emperor Doodlewood Bump and the holographic projections of super powerful yet flawed artificial intelligences (that you would likely think of as some form of space ship) from our distant future, that have been upgrading as fast as they can. The following volumes, contain what little I can remember of these events, where in the whole, I was no more and no less than the 3rd good fairy in Sleeping Beauty, that couldn't undo the curse of death, merely mitigates it effects.
Adventure #1 One Saturday afternoon, at the Center, Emperor Bump was sitting at the table reading the paper after doing his Grade 1 math homework, and he was struck with the fact that women earned less than men. He went to pour himself a glass of milk and asked the two AIs Djawawa and Asira "Why is it so?" The robots went into a collage level discussion of the issue and the Emperor of the Known Worlds nods his small black head. "Djawawa and Asira - I have it! I know the root of all evil!" Emperor Bump says. The AIs materialize and morph rapidly through a series of shapes until settling of the brownies from the movie Willow. They talk more in less in unison, but occassionaly argue and interupt each other. "Emperor Bump - but we promised Noodlehead not to change history anymore," explain the accented 6" high buckskin clad hunter gatheres. Emperor Bump nods his head, and folds his seven year arms behind his back. "Yes I see. We mustn't forget about that. So what can we do about the inequality of pay between men and women?" The brownies squirmed. "I know," said one, "we could get rid of all the money!" "No silly that wouldn't work, they'd just go back to using rocks again!" "We could make them all women." "Hey - good - we'd talked about that..." "Silly robots the problems are segregated bathrooms. As long as men and women think of themselves as seperate inequalities will appear." The AIs turn and look at each other, and yell "and that spells fun!" As they begin to turn into tornadoes like hyper active version the tasmanian devil - Bump shouts over the increasing din - "Don't do anything else!" This story is left unfinished.
Noodlehead saves the day etc etc. Here's more info.Noodlehead vs emperor doodlewood bumpCan the Ancient and noble 23rd master of instant noodles stop emperor doodlewood bump's crazy plans from going horribly wrong and destroying the earth? ThemesCivilisationCollapseEschatologyCollapse - 7 generation toxins, environment - our parents haven't been able to kill us in over 2.8 mya, what's make you think they can kill us now? Its each other we have to watch for. Our brothers and sisters have always been responsible for the lions share of our deaths. Its the toxins we have in ourselves. We are intrinsically toxic. We have made dictators and suicide bombes. We have made agent orange and chernobyl. We have trans fats. Farmland depletion and erosion farm outputs are dropping. civilisation - future police we are always on the battlements scanning for barbarians pirates cancers looking their quarter to attack and bring us down back. must be allowed continue flower. only 7500 hundred years old. need more time. spin see ourselves whole. so collect co2 out atmosphere shape it into containers shoot earth from an aimable platform. deposit moon, mars, mercury, in order impart momentum. spins enough that is eternal sunshine. good things grown where grow. Eschatology - the study of extinction. The night doesn't lost forever. Nor does the day. Why did the civilisation on Rapa Nui collapse? What happened to the ancient fertile crescent city of Ur? What led to the fall of Rome? Or Constantinople? Or Athens?
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