Rumpelstiltskin / Rumplestiltskin
An end of the world eschatological cataclysm, in which love, the
ultimate sacrifice makes all the difference in the world, where the
strong and mighty and proud and glorious are humbled, in dozens of
pages, with hundreds of words, and thousands of letters.
1. Once upon a time there was a poor old oil and gas producer who
depended on his daughter to troubleshoot the oil fields that were always
breaking down due to equipment failure and sabotage. his daughter
jeannie was very smart, clever, cute and feisty. Has to be cute. Has to
be feisty.
But she was so sick and tired of filling tanker trucks, and so sick and
tired of keeping the pumps working all day so she and her old father
could earn enough money to eat. The pumps were always breaking, the oil
was always coming up either too strong or not strong enough, or not at
all, the staff were always getting sick, getting shot or getting blown
up, or just not showing up for work, politicians always asking for more
money, security always wanting more gear, environmentalists always
protesting, and lawyers always getting in the way. Not too mention the
endless dirty tricks of the competition.
She was sick and tired of being poor, of not having enough to eat, of
having to pay too many taxes without sufficient representation, of
having to watch her father work his whole life to take care of her and
not being able to take care of him now he is old, of the dishonest
swindlers getting rich, of her mother dying before she was old enough to
know her, of not getting to enjoy the life the other girls her age were
enjoying - the parties, the clothes and the guys.
And she was always, always, coming up with ideas to make them better off
than she is now.
So she sings "swinging on a star." "Would you like to be better off than
you are?" while she works on her plans for alternative energy sources,
for a more equal distribution of wealth, a reduction in global warming,
a reduction in pollution, and ultimately a reduction in population, all
the while increasing the energy consumption per person.
2. One day when the president, his secret service agents, some of his
liege lords, and the police are driving by in their suvs, she makes her
father run out and kneel before the president's hummer with a truck with
a few barrels of oil on it. The police stop the convoy, and take him
down (face down in the pavement), and after he had been truncheoned,
frisked and handcuffed, the president waves the ss off and asked what he
wanted, the poor oil producer told the king what Jeannie had asked him
to him say - 'my lord, these barrels are but a few of the many barrels
thay my daughter has made by spinning straw in to oil.'
3. The president ordered the police that she be brought to him at once.
The secret service searched her and her plans, and then she courtsied to
the president and told him that of course she couldn't spin large
quantities of straw into oil yet but given enough funding, and here she
took out her plans, that by slighlty increasing taxation on oil and gas
usage he could raise levies to build processing plants that would
convert plants in to biodiesel and maintain the economy and avoid the
coming collapse of civilisation brought on by peak oil.
4. The president was not a nice man. He hadn't stayed president by being
nice. And he didn't like being made fun of (straw into oil -
ridiculous!) in front of his lords by anyone - though she was cute, and
obviously clever - he was furious and he wanted his revenge on her by
showing his lords that no one could get the better of him. 'Give this
foolish man a sound thrashing for interrupting us
and leave him in the street,' he said, and some of his accompanying
guards immediately started to pummel her father, who was being held by
two polices and beaten by two others. Turning to Jeannie, who was being
held back by two other police, he said 'and as for the girl, throw her
in the dungeon, provide her with a lab and straw, and bring me her head
tomorrow if she hasn't spun the straw into oil.'
6. In the lab, Jeannie sat with her back to the technicians and the
straw and cried and
cried and cried. She was upset with herself and wished she was back at
home with her father processing the barrels of oil into gas or pumping
the oil into barrels instead of being locked in the sterile, soulles,
and scientist infested prison waiting to die.
7. Before she had time to feel truly miserable about dying the next day
and leaving her father alone - suddenly there was a knock on the lab
door, and in came a small strange man. Strange because he was so small
and strange because he had opened the door, but she hadn't heard the
turn key turn to unlock it. He looked her up and down and said - 'what
will you give me if I process this straw into oil?'
8. Jeannie tried to wake herself up - 'I must be dreaming this. I must
be still asleep in my bed in the refinery.'
Jeannie said 'I don't have anything to give you.'
He said 'Give me that gold ring on your finger.'
'That was my mothers wedding ring, the only thing I have left that was
hers. Don't ask for that,' Jeannie pleaded.
'What good is the ring if can't save your life? Do you think the
executioner will not slip it from your finger before he removes your
head?'
'What if you run away after I give you the ring?' she asked.
He gripped her hand with suprising speed and strength - 'I could take
it
now,' and then let go.
'Here take my mother's gold ring,' she said slipping it off her
finder.
He put the ring on his necklace, and set to work feeding the straw into
the spinning wheel, and he began to sing a lullaby. And soon the
lullaby, the sound of the spinning wheel and the hypnotic spinning of
the wheel soon put Jeannie to sleep.
9. The sound of the prison door crashing open made Jeannie wake up in a
start. She rubbed her eyes and stood up. The executioner and a guard
were standing in the room with dumbfounded looks on their faces. The
straw was all gone, and in its place was solid gold thread. They were
scared, and closed the door again.
10. The prison door opened again, and in walked the king. The king
blinked and gulped and rubbed his eyes. He had brought with him some of
his ministers who whispered amongst themselves. He had brought a preist
who was sure it was the devils work. He had also brought his master
goldsmith. The goldsmith went down on his hands and knees and felt the
solid gold thread. He looked at it, smelled, and he bit it, checking if
it was gold. He hit it with his hammer and weighed it on his scale.
Then
he turned to the king and nodded.
10. A sly and crafty look fell over the king's face. 'So,' he said,
'you
can spin straw into gold. You weren't lying after all. I will put your
talents to good use.' But Jeannie protested - 'my lord, I can't spin
straw into gold! It wasn't me - I swear! It was the little man - he
came
in and did the spinning. I gave him my ring.' The king frowned, and and
then called to the guard outside the door - 'guardsmen, bring me the
captain of the guard this instant' The captain of the guard came
running, and panting said 'sire, what is it? What has happened?'
'captain, on your life, did anyone enter this room last night?' asked
the king. The captain starting shaking 'no sire. I posted these two
guards and no one has come in or out.' The king nodded, and the captain
relaxed and looked around for first time and was shocked.
11. 'Miller's daughter, it wasn't you that spun this gold? Was it the
devil that helped you as my chaplain believes? Did my captain of the
guard forfeit his life by failing in his duties and let the devil?' the
king laughed. 'Tonight I will move you to bigger, better guarded
prison,
with more straw that my chaplain has sprinkled with holy water for you
to spin on your life in to gold, and we will shall see what will shall
see.' With that the king, very pleased with his cleverness ordered the
gold transferred to his vaults and Jeannie moved to a medium security
prison.
12. Jeannie lay surrounded by straw heaped all around her. Was that
small man really the devil? Then she thought of her dying tomorrow.
Then
she thought of all the people she would never see. She thought of the
husband she would never meet, the child she would never have, and the
grandchild she would never spoil. She wondered what having her head cut
off would feel like. She wondered what would happen to her body. She
was
doing her best to stay awake since it was to be her last night alive.
As
she was starting to go to sleep a familiar voice said to her 'what will
you give me, if I spin this straw into gold?'
13. She opened her aways. It was the little man. She made to run and
pound on the door - but the little man caught her by the wrist with an
iron grip. 'No,' he said. She opened her mouth to scream - when out
shot
his other hand, and covered her mouth so she couldn't breathe. 'Not
that
either.'
14. She nodded and at once he let her go. 'What are you doing here? Who
are you? Where do you come from? Do you always hang out it prisons
waiting for women to show up that need straw spun into gold?'
Joshua Paul
http://joshuapaul.blogspot.com/
