dream

walk with an architect - tent house - complain about salary - it starts to rain - the fires stay lit

married to a beautiful girl that loves you like crazy

because you feel inadequate / not worthy of being loved that much

you have done something desperate

the police are the in the neighborhood and have been in the building where you live

you need to move

but she is sick, having stomach pains - the doctor has come and told you she can't travel

the eyes lament, the joy of the ear

from sense nonsense.
from nonsense sense.

23

the eye of providence in glory watches
over all the days of our lives

one

does the eye have its fill of seeing?

men dead at least 2000 years don't know

solomon likely didn't write those words

but

change, age, decay

we don't get older

before but now

before I was that but now I am this

before I was hungry but now I am full

before my eyes had not seen enough but now they have seen enough

before my ears had not heard enough

before my tongue had not tasted enough

what?

there is no plot twist? no new ending I need to wait for?

sigh

wealth
power
fame
even wisdom

it is too much for me

I prefer to be still

and remain at the centre

ha! don't believe it

breathe and believe it

put the hurry down
put the fear down
put the resentment down
put the regret down

and be

but

one

23

evolution

evolution gave mammals big brains to support our noses (earliest mammal brains endocasts created by new imaging tech)

evolution gave homo erectus the ability to make stone tools almost 2 million years ago

we can brachiate

we don't make vitamin c

we walk on two legs - for long distance travel

we sweat - for endurance hunting

about me

about 20 years ago my dad died when the plane he was going to work in crashed in nanaimo Harbour, burst into flames, and sank.

reports say he helped survivors out of the plane.

they recovered my father's burned body from the ocean floor.

they found the skin of other passengers under his finger nails from trying to claw his way out.

since he died I was unaware that I blamed myself for not being able to save him.

this is character development.

it is so simple.

one day the world is black.

then the character learns something that changes his life.

he learns the world is white, like I did, once I realized I had been blaming myself for his horrible death, and knowing that, I knew I didn't have blame myself anymore.

pink martini memories

keeping too much words inside of me
never can speak
nobody can knows

just feeling..
simple but so difficult

funny sayings

saw this on a bumper sticker:
I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

saw this on a sign on a lady's desk in an office:
I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

saw this on a bumper sticker:
one fry short of a happy meal

catan tiles

1. http://ryanschenk.com/2010/11/settlers-of-catan-tiles/
2. http://www.imgh.us/ocean.svg
3. http://www.flickr.com/photos/joshuapaul/5650007797/in/photostream
4. http://zoom.it/eX13

loss, less, missed, past, going, gone.

freedom

how much do I have?

I can choose the red cup or the blue cup
I can choose the small or the large coffee
I can choose the big car or the small car
I can choose to work here or there
I can choose to spend my money on this or that

can I choose how much time I spend with my son?
can I choose how much time I spend with my daughter?
can I choose how much time I spend with my wife?
can I choose how much time I spend with my mother?
can I choose how much time I spend with my father?

how well can a father know his son when he spends most of his time asleep or at work surrounded by strangers?
how well can a son get to know his father when he spends most of his time asleep or at school surrounded by strangers?

movies? books? games? sports?

they only hasten time's chariot ever more near

desire, wish, longing, ache, pain, emptiness

civilization stands in my way

all I want is my family back