safety

depression is oppressive

this has been one the greatest bull markets

I don't deserve it

yes I do

damask drum

I am in a wood

I am facing my greatest fear

my greatest weakness

I want to dedicate my life to art and create

and my fear is not that Art doesn't want me

my fear is that I have no art

I am a priest but I am not holy

I am a drum but I make no sound

I am a voice that can not be tuned

I am a poem that is not sublime

I am a lover that no one loves

I am rejected

and humiliated

a Salieri aware of Mozart

I have known you a long time

I am mistaken after all

I am afraid that Art will not want me

I have two choices

to hide like a dream deferred and continue to spoil my life and those I love

or I can accept what I may be, what I believe, and surrender to the mercy of the universe

I ask for a sign

i feel guilty - the dream, the damask drum, the feelings - you want more?

yes. please send more.

Santa paravia en fiumaccio

1978 rev. George blank.

why do I like it?

I can easily win.

it is easy (I am not too bright).

it is rewarding.

how is it rewarding?

the program has rules.

I learn the rules and acquire serfs, merchants, nobles, florins, land, food, titles, and maps.

Cinderella or Rhodopis or Rumplestiltkin

this way or that edit


i am not very good at playing games
so instead I wrote this story.

I am not very good at writing stories so instead I made these notes.

I imagine these notes graphically as story boards that come alive in vivid detail for me - like changing the channels on the tv - these words change the scene, sounds and characters

a queen mother
a mother passes away
a father and daughter
a king and princess
the daughter grows older beautiully
animals plants and
mitochondria and hyrdogen
and stars and blackholes
they are her fairy god parent stars
and everyone she meets are helpers - that love each other as close family - like a beloved niece or nephew or aunt or uncle


or they don't. her and father lose the bulk of their wealth
until all they have left is one oil refinery

and then

her father marries a beautiful wicked witch
beautiful and smart And wise and cruel
she brings two evil step sisters

the three of them are sadists and delight in making the King's daughter uncomfortable

she retreats to the waste pile to escape


or not. she is accused of treason and thrown in jail.

emperor will release her if her father hands over the secret plans they recently completed that trumps the emperor's monopoly and high priced oil.

and then

the emperor holds a ball
and ladies in the King's family
and the step sisters won't let her out to go

and lock her in while they go off


or not. while in jail she negotiates with emperor for her freedom if she recreates the secret plans and sells those plans for her freedom.

and then

but she is not worried becuase her fairy god parents are with her

and what do they do?


or not. the emperor accepts and providers her with the latest Craig ventner equipped lab, and enough lab techs to fill a town.

and then

they take her to meet the emperor 2 times

the evil step sisters and the witch are chasing her when they find out

she has to hide

but before she can get away

she drops her wet shoes which are stolen by an eagle (who is a human that can fly - Horus Apollo) from the arm of the emperor's bodyguard

and then she hides

or not. the first trial runs converting straw into gold fail. the microbes cultures are dying. something is not working. but everything is the same. she is sure nothing is different. but why isn't working?

and then

the emperor sends his inspectors door to door with the troops and knocks on every door.

but he cant find her among the ladies of the house.


or not

she is guided by rumplestiltskin in exchange for her first born that her father had put a secret catalyst in her hair.

and then

the emperor sends the census people and counts all the illegal immigrants and he finds her after all

or not

the process works, straw is converted to oil. they marry creating a powerful economic alliance that lasted for hundreds of generations.

that were infected with rumplestiltskin virus.


and then

they love each other for ever and ever and the world is saved once again.

roll the credits

copyright 2010
Joshua Paul

diet for a new world order

what will save the world?

birth control? free death booths? veganism? bicyclism?

first - what is killing the planet?

cars? pollution? global warming? plastic? war? population? resource exhaustion? drought? top soil erosion? declining marginal returns requiring greater degradation for fewer resources?

where is human agency?

are these not all consumption?

isn't the issue that we are consuming more than can be sustainably produced?

isn't evertything gone? the clean air, water, earth and animals. they are gone.

a new diet is needed.

how much water per person per day?
how much energy per person per day?
how much waste per person per day?
how many calories per person per day?
how many days per person?

some people are taking way more than their share and killing the world.

and what can you do about that?

how can the peacock display plumage that isn't dripping in the blood of future generations?

evolution of culture. change or die.

resource waste must not symbolic of fitness but the opposite.

how can resource conservation be manifested as plumage for the peacock?

new currencies - new tokens.

peacocks need to be able display their water, air, earth and oil credits around their necks, wrists and fingers. and of course in their wallets.

isn't this what is needed to have future generations? a store of resources? and a demonstration of capacity to acquire and store resources?