a play

a play
2007-05-17
jpaul

2 characters
i love you
you love me

props
perishables:
1 mcdonalds bag
2 mcdonalds filet of fishes
2 mcdonalds big mac's
2 mcdonalds napkins
2 mcdonalds straws
1 mcdonalds cup with water
inventory:
sushi knives or other knives according to vip guests preferences - knives of the world
bowls
cutlery and eating utensils of the world
espcially korean metal chopsticks and metal bowls with rice

act 1
i love you: i have brought something hot
you love me: i will get the knives and the cutlery
i love you: i have brought you a filet of fish and a big mac. here is what they look like.
you love me: so exciting. i am looking forward to slicing and dicing them so as to remove the poison and toxins from the items.
i love you: i am the 23rd incarnation of the instant noodle master. i am noodlehead. i am handlemaker. with this knife i will cut the poison and toxins from these foods for you my love.
you love me: let me unwrap them.

[you love me takes the mcdonalds bag and ceremoniously with candles and silver ware and cutlery and tea and champagne and cognac and pineapple and mango juices.
then the burger boxes are placed on plater and you love me opens the boxes like flowers]

you love me: they are ready.

i love you: i will begin.

[i love you slices the burgers like pizzas or flowers, with as many dazzingly shows of knife virtuosity as possible with removing any finders, and at the same time tells a story]

i love you: as I prepare the meal i would like to tell you a story. i hope you can enjoy the story.

a long time ago, 7,500 years, for the first time humans began to farm and increase in numbers and build fortifications and weapons in greater numbers than we have records of before. our settlements grew larger and better protected.

today trains crossed from south korea to north korea for the first time since the war in the 1950s.

and we have found new sources of food and energy every year for millenia - despite the astronomical bombardment of meteors, asteroids. despite ice ages and global warming.

all these things we have lived through.

because there were new ecosystems for us to exploit.

everytime we where able to leave eden and find another place with new resources to extract.

the last civilisation to collapse is being rebuilt on natural gas exports to europe and asia.


we have survived the plagues. we have survived the roads. we have survived the kings. we have
survived the
emperors
we have survived the mobsters
we have survived the revolutionists
and the dictators
we have survived the cannibals
and the robber barons
we have survived the landloards
and the East India Company
we have survived the floods
we have survived the droughts and the locusts
we have survived the global warming before
we have survived the genocides
we have the survived the circii?
circusses? like boxen to boxii?
and we have survived the plagues

[i love you has sliced the burgers in to very fine pieces such that the portion that has been removed and fit for consumption is extremely small and beautifully prepared. and the waste material from the burger that won't be eaten was used to make the edible more beautiful and more of a focal point.]

i love you: the slicing and dicing is ready.

i love you: i have finished. would please rate

meta rating
1. my speed
2. my intuition
3. my presentation
4. my choice of foods
5. my selection to taste
food rating
6. the initial taste of the food
7. the after taste
8. the saltiness
9. the sweetness
10.the sourness
11.the rottenness

i love you: viewers watching this please submit your vote by email to joshua@neocodesoftware.com. please check www.neocodesoftware.com to see vote results once 23 votes have been recieved.

you love me: i will rate it now that i have had time to consider it.

rating system
0 is amateur
10 is pro

meta rating
1. my speed
0 is amateur

2. my intuition
10 is pro

3. my presentation
0 is amateur

4. my choice of foods
10 is pro

5. my selection to taste
0 is amateur

food rating
6. the initial taste of the food
10 is pro

7. the after taste
0 is amateur

8. the saltiness
10 is pro

9. the sweetness
0 is amateur

10.the sourness
10 is pro

11.the rottenness
0 is amateur

i love you: thank you for your honesty. thank you for coming. thank you for tasting. what would you like to say?

you love me: i will.

a neo code software ltd. production
2007
copyright jpaul