Satire, poking fun and sillyness v2

1. Charity
Did you ever get a catalog in the mail from world vision about how could
buy a goat for a family?

Well, the drug addicted need charity too.

In vancouver, the downtown east side struggles with drug and poverty.

Here's what catalog for these people could look like:

$50 for a years supply of bleach
$200 for a years supply of needles

Special breakfast at ikea
$100 to rend van for 12
$80 for 2 hours for driver
$13 for breakfast

2. Obesity
When I was young I dreamed about being rich, famous or powerful. Now
that I am older I have accepted that I will be none of them, I have
decided that at least I can be fat.

I mean obese. I mean huge. I mean so big people get out of my way. I
mean so big at the airport I get driven around. I mean so big I am
intimidating. I mean so big I need to drive a big car and have a big
house.

I wanna be big, mr big.

3. Exploitation
Now how's this is funny don't ask me. But I was thinking the government
is squeamish about taxing casinos, why not add brothels to the list?

The government would have plenty of jobs for university graduates, glue
and gas sniffers and drug addicts a like - plus they would have the
revenues to cover counselling.

G8 nations should be able to compete and win when it comes to the best
brothels.

4. Global warming
The solution to global warming is simple. We need move the problem as
far away from us as possible.

We don't want pollution in our backyards - where can we put it?

What's needed is a large rail gun to shoot cannisters of co2 at the
moon.

Mind you the gun needs to fire in both directions so the earths spin
isn't changed too much. Also probably best to deposit the co2 somewhere
it can recovered - like the moon or mars.

5. Energy conservation
Who has proven best at energy conservation?
When have humans ever consumed just what they needed?
When we had no choice - about 100,000 years ago.

6. Genetically modified foods
The plan to make foods that trick the tongue into tasting salty and
fatty will make for interesting creatures in the future. Evolution will
sort it out.

7. Financing
No payments till 2020! Use all the energy and water you want. Build on
all the farmland you want.