Draft
If you are interested, and have the time to finish a story for next week
publication - how much for a 500-1500 story for Performance PC Magazine,
with all rights assigned, an episode of the following short stories
series:
Empreor Doodlewood Bump's Adventures
Civilisation Collapse Eschatology
Prologue
The secret diaries of Noodlehead, the 23rd illuminated and venerable
master of the arts of the instant noodle - Improv Noodle Cook Master,
Order of the Handlemakers, Rainer of the CogAgni, Utter of RandomAntras,
Troubleshooter of Networks, Director of the Center for Healing Human
Cognitive Development Inspiration Improvisational Imaginary, and
Troubadour of the Eschatalogical Collapse of Civilisation.
These writings chronicle my efforts and a few modest successes in
keeping the world as we know it in place and chaos at bay.
If you are reading this, then you must have passed many tests and
endured many longs years of hard study at the many various and ancient
academies, and are no doubt in the old and dusty library of the Center.
(Of course you are there, where ever you are, broadcasting, and
mechnically and electromagnetically replicating yourselves as near the
speed of light as possible.)
I have spent my life troubleshooting in wake of the 7 year old Emperor
Doodlewood Bump and the holographic projections of super powerful yet
flawed artificial intelligences (that you would likely think of as some
form of space ship) from our distant future, that have been upgrading as
fast as they can.
The following volumes, contain what little I can remember of these
events, where in the whole, I was no more and no less than the 3rd good
fairy in Sleeping Beauty, that couldn't undo the curse of death, merely
mitigates it effects.
Adventure #1
One Saturday afternoon, at the Center, Emperor Bump was sitting at the
table reading the paper after doing his Grade 1 math homework, and he
was struck with the fact that women earned less than men. He went to
pour himself a glass of milk and asked the two AIs Djawawa and Asira
"Why is it so?"
The robots went into a collage level discussion of the issue and the
Emperor of the Known Worlds nods his small black head.
"Djawawa and Asira - I have it! I know the root of all evil!" Emperor
Bump says.
The AIs materialize and morph rapidly through a series of shapes until
settling of the brownies from the movie Willow.
They talk more in less in unison, but occassionaly argue and interupt
each other.
"Emperor Bump - but we promised Noodlehead not to change history
anymore," explain the accented 6" high buckskin clad hunter gatheres.
Emperor Bump nods his head, and folds his seven year arms behind his
back.
"Yes I see. We mustn't forget about that. So what can we do about the
inequality of pay between men and women?"
The brownies squirmed. "I know," said one, "we could get rid of all the
money!"
"No silly that wouldn't work, they'd just go back to using rocks
again!"
"We could make them all women."
"Hey - good - we'd talked about that..."
"Silly robots the problems are segregated bathrooms. As long as men and
women think of themselves as seperate inequalities will appear."
The AIs turn and look at each other, and yell "and that spells fun!"
As they begin to turn into tornadoes like hyper active version the
tasmanian devil - Bump shouts over the increasing din - "Don't do
anything else!"
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